THE BEFORE AND AFTER

One of the crazy things about life is that it is never the same,today will never be like yesterday or be like tomorrow. Life will never turn out the way you expect. When sit pretty and think you have it all figured out, a new plot, a new twist develops.

Twenty two years ago I came into this world, was it the happiest moment for my folks or the worst? I am not party to that information and i am sure if I ever will be it will be a bigger story on its own.  Im told 1week after my birth my mother went to college, those were the days people got married at 17 years of age. I hardly saw her, and when i did it was for brief moments or when the school holidays began.

My father on the other side was always there,atleast for 6 years  before he passed on. I was lucky to enjoy his presence and company and those memories still remain the happiest moments of my life. I often catch myself reminiscing them and my heart is filled with  joy and so much longing but some times its too painful  but i soldier on

I would have loved for him to see me ace my exams, I would have loved to share my struggles, to hold my hand when things got scary and uncertain, when things got too dark, laugh with him. I would have loved to tell him all that I was feeling in this stages, especially campus where a firm hand of a father would have come quite handy. But all in all I know  I was my father’s pride.

Then there is the other members of the family, I won’t lie though relationships are not always we do try to atleast get along, make each others life better, i admit we got our beefs but at-least we always have a reason to love laugh and make merry. Remember the saying,' Great enemies are in our families, but it is where the most formidable alliances are forged.'We are a big polygamous family but despite how serious the rifts are, when things are thick we do pool together and stick together harder than glue.

Somewhere in my crazy life i have My friends’ … a constant source of all life lessons a young gal could ever have, learn and love. There are the genuine ones, the two-faced ones, the users and those associating with you by default... they make my life quite colorful. But all in all I have found in some of them My Gems, those who honestly love, those who would give their own lives to see me through whatever. Thise i show affection to openly, although few i have been lucky to have found this treasure

When we think of lifestyles and bills, that equals #My job. It is my first but It is the most exciting job,  with all the new stuff im learning, the work environment, the new people i have met,  is just too phat. I have encountered very interesting personalities who in their own way  touched my life in so many ways I cannot even but a figure on it. Some  taught me strength, patience, resilience, potential, love and appreciation. Some helped me be tough, be firm and to be my own person. If i ever leave this place I will be a better person and can take on the world.

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Relationships ...that does bring bittersweet memories. IKiss a frog to turn into a prince is rather cliche, i have dated  seriously at some point, interesting bad boy at some point and yep you guessed right i am kinda attracted to bad boys. On a few occasions i have questioned my decisions but i realised it will not yield any scientific mind boggling situation so instead i decided to focus on the good in each and every person. Alot of times i felt i was not not the brilliant, young and ambitious woman my fahter believed I will grow up to be. This wasn’t what my grandpa's grandma’s efforts of making me a decent citizen all about. Fine they took the right steps, soared the right fruits  but i am the one who chart s the course of my life.

Many times we go through stuff that if you are not strong little by little It kills something in you. All along you get lost but  a small voice inside keeps nudging you to regain control, to let loose of things and people who arent for the common good of you.Some times we hurt too deep and at times we loose hope of finding ourselves, of ever getting back up again. But though fallen too deep dust yourself, clean house you can always start from somewhere regardless of how small or insignificant it may look at that time. Stop allowing people's negativity chart the course of your life, stop letting peoples’ opinions determine who you are. Dont forget to believe in thyself, dont forget to hope and to dream again. Dont put a full stop to the beautiful and intelligent being inside of you. Dont kill that wonderful god/goddess..

As for me, My Reincarnation has been nothing short of self discovery, a beautiful self find in itself; I am living this new life a little differently. I buried my naivety, and a long with it the trial and error crap, trusting too much aint my cup of coffee now. I seek self happiness and satisfaction , i am  adventurous and more in control of myself. I spoil me quite often. Being beautiful is something i discovered and this new self find that guides what i want to put inside of me so that it can  lead me to the hidden depths of my soul, i know when inside is beautiful so will be the outside and vice versa. So life is not any different than how it was before  but its different in my eyes because i chose to look at it differently now. I still do me some silly things, make wrong decisions at times but I always know what I want in the end, and with mistakes i learn how not to do things this way or that way.Though still in my infant stages,where i experience teething problems now and them, my legs are not yet strong enough so I loose my balance at times but i still do find loads of joy in my life.

Do not chicken out of the Life, of achieving your dreams, on dating, infact as we speak I got two great men in my life. I am not advocating for serial dating but both are very important in my life and serve their purpose. One is more of a confidant, I talk to him alot,share alot of my fears to, he makes me laugh and makes me feel like the most important woman on planet earth. The other is my secret love, I love him so much but I want to know him more, I want a lover and a friend out of him, we are not there yet and I clearly see that, but untill its reached maturity i am going to be content with just getting to know him for now.

Life is not straight or smooth but its those rough patches that make it all worthwhile. Im living it!

STAY TRUE...

Staying true huh?..... Yeah a funny heading for a blog i guess, but is it not quite funny how we live our lives through people's eyes?
Ask anyone why they are doing what they are doing right now, very few will tell you they are doing it because they love it..

The majority actually do stuff so that they are not judged as weak or incapable, so that they can impress someone
Many times without realizing people use us or use us to push their agendas
Other times people do things, So that they can prove a point
People do things So that they can impress other people
Also often People do things So that they can brag about it to any one who can listen
Other times we do things to piss off others Or to shut up there enemies

But in all this doing this  or that we may loose ourselves
We may start living people's expectations through us or of us instead of our own
We get so much in a hurry  to listen and do what we are told or suggested without first examining what is right  and what is good for us
Often we are in so much hurry to even appreciate the beauty that lies around us
We  tend to overlook the suffering and needs of those who need us or genuinely need our help
We become followers instead of leaders
We become people who push other people's agendas without questioning their motives or the overall end 
We conform to anything and anyone to a point we lack  or loose our standards ,
We are so eager to please to a point we loose our credibility and self-respect
So fast are this tepid waters of life, and so many have been washed away by it but do slow down
Meet your expectations first, be happy with self first
For you know what even in battle A TRUE HERO SAYS TRUE TO THE COURSE THEY SET OUT TO FOLLOW.

A TRUE WARRIOR FIGHTS THEIR WARS UNTIL THE BATTLE IS WON....

Scatter brain

Today i am in that mood where i want to do so much but since morning i have done very little. anyway all i think of right now is when will 5pm come so that i can go home, a bottle of vodka wont be so bad, some sleep then from there the weekend will just fall into place.

or maybe i should just take this opportunity to straighten my business in the heart department, but this might prove costly in this cold July weather

What of that July to August contract someone asked me to sign. too bad i m still conservative, You might take a girl out of the village but will never take the village out of the girl...

At least today there was something interesting going on on TV, one of the facilitators for our #MTV/5 alive TV series talked of sex contracts in campuses- they actually do exist  or at least did exist when i was there, both verbal and written, where a number of people 2, 4 or more agreed to sleep with one another and further exchange partners among themselves for a period of time ,or for as long as the contract stands.

But in this day and age its quite tricky -i mean with STDs and HIV/AIDS. Guess its true for all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God... Let me keep musing over my thoughts as i await the end of this seemingly endless day

MY FIRST

Today i decided to put an end to my procrastinations about writing, not really writing, more like  putting down my random thoughts,of starting this blog, for i have being writing for years now, i have kept a journal from when i was at least 7 years of age but at first it was as a healing process for myself, as a way of expressing how i felt. i have never written for the public other than the compositions in primary and high school that the English teacher read aloud in class. A few friends have been quite lucky to  have a peek into my thoughts by reading some of my stuff. I opened this blog after loads of persuasions from a lot of my friends.

What i have been for the last 11 years is what i call a closet writer.To tell you the truth, Other than having written for the teen magazine The Insyder Magazine, say 2001-2003 i have not done it publicly, it was quite an experience. The experience in high school was so rewarding and totally awesome. It was also considered so Cool and Hip and being one of the pioneer teen magazines in Kenya i was proud to be associated to it. i love writing, i always have, its a passion that does not seem to want to go away, i have tried to ignore it but more often than i would want i find myself picking a notebook and pen and just scribbling away. i know loads of writers out there already know what they are really good at but as for me, i guess i am a free will writer. i tell my stories, my feelings, my understanding of issues through poems, short stories, journals, features i just write away on everything.

When i finish writing and read them, social issues jump out of most of them and a lot of deep feelings. So as i start this new journey i know i have a lot to tell the world. From the my crazy life, my feelings, leadership, My religious beliefs, failed social systems, the arts , entertainment industry,relationships to the day to day issues that faces every normal hardworking being. It will always be my take on stuff that i get to experience daily

So be ready for an in-depth peek to my journal- i love the journal style, its kinda like" Here is what i think."

I am definitely going to enjoy this beautiful journey with all of you....i hope you will too